Cannonball Statman

“Marzipan”

TABLE OF CONTENTS
1. An expression of the raw spiritual energy of Instagram itself
2. The reason I exist
3. An open letter to the person we have been conditioned to refer to as “Pret”, soon to be known by his true, God-given name, “Monsieur À Manger”
4. Swansea Beach
5. Castle Cary
6. Ordering Chinese food with France de Griessen
7. Holiday in Somerset
8. I am no longer the spectre that haunts my phone
9. Response to a passive aggressive bus
10. Merry Christmas from AML Scaffolding
11. Response to an “unstable interdimensional portal”
12. An open letter to Cannonball Statman and France de Griessen: Don’t just “let them eat (ice cream) cake”, especially if it’s melted and the deciders of their fate are sitting on it
13. Update on the ongoing situation with dogstagram
14. Cannonball Statman and France de Griessen went on tour and didn’t invite me
15. Cannonball Statman and France de Griessen went on tour and didn’t invite me (continued)
16. Trying to figure out if this should be a Cannonball Statman stan account or a France de Griessen stan account
17. Reasons I dislike Cannonball Statman and his “music”
18. Fun fact about Cannonball Statman’s ongoing feud with Chuck E. Cheese, why he was banished from Paris in 1983, and how he lost all the money he made from weapons sales during the Vietnam War
19. To celebrate the announcement of Adam Rivera’s performance in Nottingham
20. The History of the British Empire
21. Polling my constituents
22. The results are in
23. I remain undecided as to what I am actually doing with this beautiful Instagram account God gave me
24. Meeting one of my idols
25. Open letter to Cannonball Statman
26. Existence Update, Marzipanflows Avatar wearing a Gregg’s jumper
27. Heated debate with Jonas Selander on the nature of existence and non-existence
28. Sanctuary of Truth
29. Alex Gnocchi concert